


The Caroline Diaries

by Elle Blessingway (elle_blessing)



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fic Exchange, Gift Fic, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-17
Updated: 2011-01-17
Packaged: 2017-12-14 09:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/835638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_blessing/pseuds/Elle%20Blessingway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like everyone else in Mystic Falls, Caroline keeps a diary. Spoilers through 2x11.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Caroline Diaries

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skinscript (Infie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infie/gifts).



> Written for skinscript at the 2011 vd_exchange on LiveJournal. Since the fest seems to have fallen through, I'm just going to post it - this is best read before season two picks back up again on January 27th (can't wait!!). _ETA: This story[was finally posted](http://vd-exchange.livejournal.com/1850.html) on June 18, 2011._
> 
> There were a lot of good prompts, but in the end I went with this bit: “ _Caroline learns that the person she needs to learn to love is herself. Caroline FTW fic._ ” Caroline’s story arch in the show centers on this theme and so I tried to show her growth from the insecure, jealous girl at the beginning of season one, to where she is now (through 2x11) – a strong, independent woman trying to navigate her new (un)life. Endless thanks go to my betas, kateinva/mugglechump and leigh_adams!

**September 29, 2009: Damon**

He’s so _hot_ , and he picked _me_.

I love him a tiny bit just for that (maybe more than a tiny bit. He has seriously gorgeous blue eyes). I mean, Elena always comes first, and I totally don’t get it. It’s not like she’s really that pretty, or even any good at cheer. Seriously. (She’s kind of awkward, to be honest. The girl is always a step behind and I’ve had to work my cute butt off to make sure she looks good on game days. Everyone would hate me for telling the truth to poor, sad Elena though. Ugh.)

But Damon picked me. He smiles at me, and he drives me around Mystic Falls in his Camaro - so retro! Who needs Stefan? Damon’s older, mysterious, sexy and so, so hot, and everyone wants him. But he’s mine. I could totally get used to this.

He is kind of mean sometimes though. And a little freaky (because really, who bites that hard during sex?) And good god, he PMS’s more than I do. But he’s totally steamy and he has a hot car.

Definitely the important things.

~~I wish I didn’t catch him watching Elena sometimes. God, I’m not blind. It’s not the same way Stefan looks at her, but I don’t like it. What does she have that I don’t?~~

**May 25, 2010: Matt**

Matt was unexpected. God, he was Elena’s boyfriend forever (and it’s not as if I crush on my friend’s boyfriends. I like to think I’m better than _that_. Ho’s before bro’s. Or whatever.).

He’s sweet though. He cares about me. Like, for real. I don’t think Matt’s capable of faking something like that. He holds me when I cry, too (I hate crying). He has the prettiest, most earnest blue eyes. His kisses are sweet. And totally addictive. How was I supposed to _not_ fall for him?

I totally understand why Elena held onto him for so long.

Elena.

It always comes back to her, doesn’t it? Even with Matt. He watches her too. Like a sad, lost little puppy, and I HATE it. I _love_ him. If he loved me, he wouldn’t get so upset when I point out that _she_ isn’t his girlfriend anymore, and that I’d really appreciate it if he made _me_ feel like I’m first in his life – even when she’s around.

I wish I could hate Elena sometimes. ~~I wish I could stop hating myself sometimes, too.~~ They all want her, or wanted her, or miss having her. There’s _nothing wrong with me_ , dammit.

~~I miss Dad.~~

**September 16, 2010: Stefan**

Becoming a vampire is scary shit. (But I’m glad that I can kick Damon’s ass now. Or at least hit hard enough to make it hurt. Go me!)

And, like, I get why Elena fell for Stefan. Not that I want Stefan. OMG, no. But he’s decent, and he doesn’t seem to mind that I’m neurotic. Or that it’s ten times worse now because _I want blood so bad, and it’s hard to think of anything else_ , and seriously, that’s just kind of gross. ~~(But really. It tastes _so good_.)~~

He says it’s best to stay away from humans. Because we’re dangerous. ~~I already killed someone. I should feel worse than I do. What is _wrong_ with me?~~

I drank Matt’s blood. I couldn’t help myself. I think I would die if I hurt him for real. Like … like I did to that carnie.

Matt loves me. He really does. And if I really love him, I’m going to have to do whatever it takes to keep him safe. From me. Life sucks. I hate Katherine.

(I don’t say anything, but I wonder how Stefan really feels about Elena. He knows it’s better to stay away – he _told_ me that _I_ should stay away from Matt. But he doesn’t. Stay away from Elena, I mean. I can tell he cares about her, but she’s my friend… like, is he dangerous? Am _I_ dangerous? Uh, yeah. But I don’t like burying my face in Elena’s neck for smoochies ~~…Matt on the other hand~~. Stefan does. God, this is all so complicated. Who the hell am I supposed to talk to about this? “Hi Mom. Like, I know I drive you crazy, but shit’s about to hit the fan ‘cause I’m undead now. Help me figure this out?” Yeah. Like that’d go over well. She had a hard enough time when I started my period.)

(OMG. Do I even have periods anymore? WHO DO I ASK? This could be epic.) 

**October 28, 2010: Katherine**

Bitch. Bitch went down, and yours truly deserves an Oscar. Never mind that Katherine could have torn my throat out if I had screwed up. Beside the point. I rock hard, and Damon and Stefan have _me_ to thank.

Who’s the most kick-ass vampire Barbie in town? Yeah. That’s right. (Woo!)

Matt was there. ~~He looked so _scrumptious_. God. Oral fixation much?~~ Something was totally wrong though. He kept trying to fight with Tyler, and like, I totally get it. Tyler’s a dick. (Though I _really_ get it now. He’s got worse PMS than I _ever_ had. He actually _is_ a freak of nature.) But Matt is good and pure, and that was definitely not him. I had to knock him out. (Who _am_ I? Rambo? I used to worry about breaking nails and now I lay out ex-boyfriends. Mom would be proud, I guess.)

But, like, Tyler still killed someone. By accident. And his eyes went all creepy. He is SO a werewolf, and I SO can’t tell Damon what happened. Damon’s all ‘grr’ when what’s best is a friendly ‘rawr’. I think Tyler needs me. Who else in Mystic Falls knows what it’s like to live _Twilight_?

Cosmopolitan just doesn’t prepare a girl for things like this. 

P.S. Edward is _soooo_ dreamy, but I don’t think I can respect a vampire who sparkles.

**December 22, 2010: Tyler**

The full moon was last night. Tyler... god, I don’t even have words. I held him while he cried when it was all over. 

I really, _really_ hate Katherine. This is all her fault, and I seriously hope she rots in hell. 

**January 27, 2011: Caroline**

My dads say there’s a strong, capable, independent special princess inside of every little girl. You know, the kind that saves themselves from the dragon and are really picky about their prince charming. 

I totally don’t recommend becoming a vampire to find that inner princess, but it worked for me. I drink blood and stuff, but I like me now. I can kick butt and take names, and take care of myself and people I care about. I’m a good friend! Bonnie, Elena and I are like supernatural crime fighting divas! Or, you know, Bonnie and me, anyway. Elena is … still just Elena. But she can be just Elena. It’s nice that someone who’s not a freak of the night knows about everything and still loves me anyway - who I didn’t have to _convince_ to love me.

But seriously. I’m zen now. (Ok. Like, I’m still a neurotic freak on blood for crack, but I’m in a good place right now, and I can’t remember the last time I felt good about who I am.)

My dads were right though. Men really do complicate everything. If they’re not being one kind of idiot, they’re most definitely being another kind. It’s like with that Mars and Venus thing. It’s a cosmic truth that they’re both planets. And it’s, like, a cosmic truth that men are going to ruin everything by being stupid.

Matt wants to work it out (with my lips), and Tyler wants to bond over being recently turned creepers of the night (with my lips). Seriously. Smoochies are all well and good, but I don’t just give them away anymore. They’re mine! I get to say who gets my smoochies, dammit.

W. T. F. 

That is all.

P.S. Cosmo _does_ have a word of advise for this. It’s time for laying down some Caroline law. I even have some new, totally killer boots to do the stomping in, too. (Cute shoes make everything better. Fact.)


End file.
